The Mother's Curse

Last night at the Codie Awards we had a very funny comedian named Wayne Cotter. Afterwards, he and David and I were visiting, and he mentioned his son, a nine-year-old who was, he said with mingled pride and frustration, just like him. Well. I know why. He was a victim of the Mother's Curse.

Sometime in his childhood, when he had been particularly exasperating in a way typical of him, his mother glared at him and pronounced: "I hope someday you have a child just like you!" And so he was cursed.

But he is not alone. I was so cursed, and I have so cursed each of my children, several times. But it's also a blessing. Just as you cringe to see your own weaknesses in your children, you are heartened to see some of your strengths. Apparently it's also a Mother's Blessing; although almost always bestowed as a curse, mothers cannot help but bless their children.

There is a Corollary Curse which we bring on ourselves without the assistance of our mothers. This happens when we see a child do something unappealing and say smugly to ourselves, "My child will never do that." That crack of thunder in the distance is the echo of the Corollary Curse. Now your child will do that. And if you are so misguided as to say it out loud, your child will do it worse than any other child--and in public.

My mom did this when she saw a baby sleeping with her legs sticking out at a funny angle. I was the lucky beneficiary. And someone once criticized toddler Gordon, whose bright inquisitive mind was manifesting itself at that time by getting into everything, by saying, "My child will never do that." Her child was every bit as bad as Gordon--in his case, certainly a Corollary Curse. (OK, he was a bright little guy, I admit it--but still.)

Although you have probably already received the Mother's Curse, it is not too late to avoid the Corollary Curse--probably. So watch what you think about other people's children. You have been warned.